Grabbit and Runn

By DARREN HANDSCHUH
God is a nutty guy.
He has a great sense of humour and is even, dare I say, a little mischievous.
How else can you explain someone who made men and woman so vastly different, yet decided they were the perfect partners for one another.
It was on a recent road trip I once again noticed just how differently we act.
Somehow my wife forgot to pack a pair of jeans for the trip, I assume she forgot anyway, but I noticed she wasn’t too upset about it because it meant she got to do some unplanned clothes shopping – a hardship she seemed quite willing to bear.
We trudged off to a clothing store where she dove into the challenge with vigor and enthusiasm, which is exactly how she tackles clothes shopping pretty much every time she has to do it.
I tackle clothes shopping with dread and loathing. For some reason I hate using the little change rooms. I do not know why, but I would rather just grab an item that claims to be my size, buy it and try it on at home.
If it doesn’t fit (which happens because the size they claim the item to be is rarely accurate), I take it back and get the next size up or down depending on the requirements of the garment.
My wife on the other hand will head to the little stall with 358 items of clothes and spend the next 15 hours trying stuff on (only to decide she does not like any of them.)
Anyway, back to our holiday shopping adventure. I spent a little time doing what I usually do whenever fate is so cruel as to send me clothes shopping – I wander around, glancing at stuff and in general making a concerted effort to not be so bored as to fall asleep standing up.
Eventually, I noticed she was heading to the change room to try on a few things and I figured our shopping adventure was coming to a close.
Oh, how misguided I was.
What I thought and what the reality was turned out to be two vastly different things.
When I met her at the checkout she had with her two shirts and a pair of shorts.
In 45 minutes of shopping, she managed to buy three items of clothes, none of which were a pair of pants.
For those of you keeping score at home, a pair pants was the entire reason for the shopping excursion in the first place.
“But they were on sale,” was her defense. “And, isn’t this one cute, look at this one and…”
Fine, the items were on sale and you spent $25 to save $15, that’s great, but what about a pair of pants, remember the pants? That’s why we are here in the first place.
“Oh, they didn’t have any I liked so we are going to have to go somewhere else.”
Of course we are, how silly of me.
So it was off to yet another store, another 45 minutes of wandering around while my brain went numb, but this time she found a pair of pants she liked. She also found another shirt, but at least the pants were taken care of.
Had it been me the situation would have been handled much differently.
I would have walked into the store, headed straight for the pants area, found a pair, paid for them and left, leaving roughly 35 minutes to do something else.
In-out and done, just like that.
Right now many men are nodding in agreement, while many of the female readers are shaking their head and making that “tsk” sound they do so well.
I am not sure what that sound means, but I have heard it before and it usually is not a good thing.
However, strange little tongue and upper-mouth noises aside, I stand by my conviction clothes shopping is a necessary evil that is to be done as fast as possible.
Would you linger in the dentist’s office?
“Thanks doc, I know I am done, but I am having so much fun in here I think I will hang around a little bit. Can I play with the drill?”
I don’t think so. Get in, get it done and get out.
Tool shopping on the other hand can be done at a more leisure pace, as can mozying through a motorcycle shop.
Unfortunately I did not forget any tools or motorcycle gear, so I had no valid excuse to do some man shopping.