By DARREN HANDSCHUH

It's time for another addition of boneheads in the news.

No, it's not a round up of what is happening with our elected officials, but boneheads of the commoner variety.

Let's start with a bad guy in Oakland, Cali., who barricaded himself in his house prompting a lengthy standoff with members of the law enforcement community.

Nothing strange about that you say, well read on.

According to a news report, after firing 10 canisters of tear gas into the home, police discovered the man was standing next them shouting, ìPlease come out and give yourself up.î 

The man was arrested, but police ended up locking themselves in the holding cell while the man stood in the lobby.

The bozos in this next one are obvious.

A news agency reported ìAT&T fired president John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.î 

Perhaps? Wally is the smartest man in the room. I will be sending a resume to AT&T shortly and I would just like to let the executives know I will settle for a mere $10 million buy out. There, you have not even hired me and I have already saved you $16 million.

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced the driver to take him to two ATM machines where he withdrew money from his own account.

The man then forced the money onto the driver before demanding he be taken to the police station where he made a full statement. OK, that last bit is not true, but with someone this dumb it is almost believable.

Perhaps that bad-guy bozo is related to this next criminal mastermind.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ìGive me all your money or I 'll shoot,î the man shouted, ìThat's not what I said.î

That story does not even need a punchline.

Closer to home, a woman in Vancouver was charged with assault for stabbing another woman in the ear with a potato peeler.

There is nothing a'peeling' about being stabbed in the ear, but you have to admit the choice of weapons was rather odd.

The stabbee received minor wounds and did not even have to go to the hospital, while the stabber was sent to jail and sentenced to peel potatoes for the next six months.

She was not done with her violent ways and her anger flared up once again resulting in her stabbing an ear of corn 18 times.

This last bozo is on what is supposed to be the good side of the law.

In the United States a big, strong police officer type Tasered a 72-year-old lady. I kid you not.

What, was she coming at him with a pair of knitting needles?

ìStay back Smokey, or I will knit one and pearl two your ass.î

Seriously, unless she pulled a 9 mm handgun from her girdle, is there really a need to hit her with a gazzillion volts of electricity.

I admit I do not know all the fine details of the incident, but from what I read Granny was copping an attitude and the defender of the peace decided to take her down.

The Texas officer pulled Granny over for speeding and a ìdiscussionî ensued. 

In his defence the officer did warn the little old lady five times he would Taser her if she did not calm down, which he then did, much to her surprise. 

I'm sorry, but I just do not see a 72-year-old woman as a threat to my personal safety, unless she has that loaded girdle we were talking about.

My mother-in-law is 72 and I could take her down by hitting her in the shoulder with a dry sponge.

How safe are the good people of Texas if one of their finest can't even handle a member of the Blue Hair Club without using a Taser?

It does not exactly warrant a sense of confidence.

Bad guys will be wearing T-shirts, 'If you think I'm dangerous, you should see my Nana.'