Classmates of old

BY DARREN HANDSCHUH
I recently took a trip down memory lane thanks to the wonders of modern technology.
I was checking out my Facebook account (at home, not at work or anything like that, because that would be against the rules and breaking the rules is wrong) and I noticed several friend requests from people I went to high school with.
Most of these people I have not even seen since the last century, so I decided not to add them to my list of friends.
I noticed one of my old classmates had close to 200 friends so, just for fun, I clicked on the little thingy that lets you see them all and I was transported back to the days of zits, cassettes and a head full of hair.
To be honest, I had forgotten most of these people even existed. As you may have guessed we were not real close in high school.
It was kind of interesting to see how everyone changed over the past couple of decades or so.
Like me, many have gained weight and lost hair - some have done more of each, some less.
One former classmate really caught my attention because back in 'the day' she was the hottest thing to ever walk down a hallway.
She was the girl all the guys talked about in our testosterone-fueled way of looking at life. Needless to say, very little of those conversations is fit to print in such a fine publication as this because, as has been proven by science, when teenage boys are not thinking about sex, it means they are dead.
That's one way to see if a 16-year-old, hormone-driven young man is alive - hold up a picture of a bikini-clad hottie and he will come out of a coma just to look at it.
Anyway, seeing a picture of the former lust of my life in her mid-40s seriously damaged my memories of her. She is now just slightly smaller than a VW Bug.
My, how things have changed.
There were people in there I had not thought of since graduation - some by choice, others because I just forgot about them.
Most of the jocks are now sporting spare tires large enough to fit a big rig and one of them even posted something along the lines of 'Hey do you remember the big football game when I...'
No, but I do remember a post-jock meathead who's glory days ended when he graduated high school and he is still talking about them more than 20 years later.
Some classmates still look really good - great shape, full head of hair, outstanding careers - I hate 'em.
But the vast majority have gone on to live regular type lives and simply blend in to society, but in high school they were the elite rulers - the best athletes, cutest girls or came from the richest families.
Back then it seemed so important to make the rep team in hockey, or the football or basketball team.
One guy who I hung around with for a while was a star hockey player. He lead the league in scoring several seasons and I must admit to some intimidation and jealousy towards him at the time.
The last time I saw him (which was about 10 years ago), he was a 300-pound, tub-of-goo booze hound trapped in a dead-end job with all the charm of a rectal polyp. All those goals he scored in minor hockey really did not mean a thing.
Many years ago, I realize it just is not that important to score a few goals, or get a touchdown.
But, back in high school, your entire life status was based on such silly standards. However, with age comes wisdom and the realization it really doesn't mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of life.
Too bad you have to be old to be wise.