Kids these days

By DARREN HANDSCHUH
It can't be because I am getting older.
People are just doing things at a much younger age than they used to.
At least, that is the lie I am telling myself.
I had the thrill of going to the dentist the other day for a fun and exciting root canal - two words which conjure up images of drills, big ass needles and more drills - only to have someone younger than my car do the job.
When the dentist first walked in, for a moment I thought it was Take Your Kid to Work Day and I patiently waited for his mom or dad to walk in and tell him to stop playing with the shiny tools.
This guy did not look old enough to vote, let alone perform a medical procedure on my teeth.
Once he began talking about what he was going to do and how it was going of be done, I started to feel a little more at ease. He seemed to know what he was doing.
Mind you, people said the same thing about George W. Bush his first few years in office and we all know how that turned out.
But as Dr. Whizkid began to do his stuff I relaxed a little - if that is possible when you have signed up for a root canal. It's kind of like trying to eat soup on a roller coaster - it just isn't going to happen.
I did find it rather strange that instead of pens in his shirt pocket he had crayons, but I let it slide.
When I left the dentist's office I half expected to see a Mattel Big Wheel sitting in one of the parking spots where his BMW will be - once he is old enough to drive that is.
I kid of course. He turned out to be a really good dentist (even though his mom still had to help him across the street).
He was as good as any dentist I have seen, he was just very young, or perhaps it was I who was getting old?
Nah, he was young, that's it.
He must have been some sort of kid genius or something. Perhaps he finished elementary school while he was still in the womb, then graduated high school a week after he was potty trained and graduated from dentist school a few years after that, turning his fascination with small drills and teeth into a career.
I know I am getting older, everyone is, but how can someone who looks barely old enough to wear big boy underwear be a full fledged dentist?
He had a dental school diploma and everything. I was going to stick with the child-prodigy theory, but as I started looking around, I realized Dr. Whizkid is the norm, rather than the exception.
Take the police example. I can remember when cops were much older. I recently went through a road block and was asked, "Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?"
His voice cracked twice during that short sentence.
I almost wanted to say, "Oooh, aren't you cute in your little uniform" before reaching through the window and pinching his cheek. I didn't, because I may be dumb, but I am not that dumb.
I had not been drinking, but I was still a little nervous because under the new laws if you even drive past a liquor store or a pub you are at risk for some sort of punishment.
Stores are also hiring children nowadays as well. Where are the child-slavery laws? Shouldn't these tykes should be at home playing with dolls or Hot Wheels, instead of in the work force?
If these kids get any younger, instead of a lunch break they will have to have nap time.
Which would be odd because I am no where near being a youngster and I could sure go for nap time each afternoon. I tried to convince the boss such a perk would boost performance, but he did not buy it.
Perhaps if I had a really young boss I could bribe him with candy or something.