Dear dog, please read this

Somebody is going to have to help me with this one.
The other day I stumbled across a card for a dog. It was not a card about a dog, it was like a regular greeting card to your dog.
It was signed from ‘Mommy and Daddy.’
This is weird on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin.
First and foremost is the obvious fact dogs don’t have thumbs so they could not even open the stupid card in the first place.
But let’s say they are exceptionally smart and they do manage to open the card, are they supposed to read what is inside? And if they could read, you would have to write your message in dog language and I do not know of anyone who can speak, let alone write canine.
The card had a very colourful cover as well. It’s a shame dogs are colourblind, but not as much as the fact the dog would probably rather eat the card than read it because that’s what dogs do.
There are children starving in Africa, but there are people out there willing to spend good money on a greeting card for a hound.
It never ceases to amaze me what people will spend their money on. But good on the inventor for coming up with the idea. If people are dumb enough to spend money on it, they are too dumb to be allowed to keep their money in the first place.
And there wasn’t just one card. There were four: to the dog from Mummy and Daddy, to the dogs from Mommy and Daddy and to the dog from Mommy and to the dog from Daddy.
It’s no wonder so many cultures think we’re a little crazy over here.
It goes to show how much some people value their pets. I love my dog, I am man enough to admit that, but I would never buy Murphy the Wonder Mutt a greeting card. I might as well just give him the $5, what does he care as long as I pet him, take him for walks and keep him warm and fed, he is a happy beast.
Speaking of pets, I am not sure if this next idea is a good one, or another nutty example of people pandering to their pampered, prissy pets.
In Florida, a business-minded mutt owner has opened a mobile food truck for dogs. The veterinarian technician and food blogger parks the truck in the downtown core and sells food for people out walking their dogs.
Usually when I take my dog for a walk the action is all at the other end, but I’m sure if we offered him some food he would happily take it.
Of course the food truck does not serve ordinary dog food, but gourment organic snacks.
There are people out there – and I have witnessed this first-hand – who share their food with their dog. I am not talking about a few table scraps that you scrape into their dish, I am talking about people who will share an ice cream cone or some other type of food with their wolf wannabe.
Um, have you seen how a dog takes a bath? Let’s just say it does not involve a bar of soap and some bath gels.
The same dog tongue that was used for bathing purposes is the same one that is licking the same ice cream cone you are.
I don’t even like it when a dog licks my hand let alone eats the same food as me at the same time.
But perhaps I am just not a hardcore pet owner, but if it gets me out of wasting money on a canine card or sharing food with a mutt then I am OK with that.