No,
these are not people with weird deformities that causes them to
resemble a delicious and expensive sea crustacean.
These
are the people who are vacationing in our sunny climes and are as red
as a stop sign from too much outdoor merriment.
It
helps make tourists easy to spot as they look like tomatoes with legs (very red legs that is.)
Locals
have either already gained a bit of a tan from the sunny-yet-cooler
months of the spring and early summer, or they know enough to lather
themselves in SPF 4,000 before going out.
But
many of our tourists come from a flat part of the country (I'm not
mentioning any specific areas here) where summer is typically a
couple weeks in late July so getting out and enjoying that great big
ball in the sky is too much to resist.
So
they doff their work boots, jeans and hardhat in exchange for a
bathing suit and a floatie, and splash around the lake as the
sun slowly and subtly cooks them.
It
is usually not until the next day they realize the folly of their actions.
Then they grab all the after burn ointment they can find and cover
every bit of bright red skin they can reach.
I
don't even want to think about what happens to nudists.
They
are exposing parts of their bodies to the sun that typically don't
interact with that big ball of brightness.
I
have never been to a nude beach, and the world is a better place
because of it.
I
could see myself ditching my swim suit to splash around eu naturale,
only to cause the other beach goers instant blindness and nausea so
bad not even Pepto would be able to help.
It
would cause a mass exodus from the beach as if a land shark was
gobbling up people like a fat guy at a buffet.
In
other words, me running around the beach naked would be a bad thing.
I
would also like to take a moment to apologize for any mental images I
may have generated with the previous paragraphs.
Don't
worry, with the proper amount of therapy and deep hypnosis the image
will fade.
Copywrite 2014 Darren Handschuh
Copywrite 2014 Darren Handschuh
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